I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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