I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
