i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
