the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
