and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
