she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
