I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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