you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
