Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just cropdusted the office
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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