sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
