Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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