i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
