ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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