you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
