I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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