i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
