Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
