I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
