You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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