I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
