Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she told me i tasted like america
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
