I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
