There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
