you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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