just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
