Apparently you make a good broom.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
