I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
