I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
