when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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