Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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