just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
