And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
