i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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