Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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