A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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