Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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