you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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