You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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