Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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