I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this boner is exhausting
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize