it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
