I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize