I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
