dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
