Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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