I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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