Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
