I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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