So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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