You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My nipple is on Facebook.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
