He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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