bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
