he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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