You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
