Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
