so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
