My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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