it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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