I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
