I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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