just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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