Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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