she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize