it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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