just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
