Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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