I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Someone shattered a urinal.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
