Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
