if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
