it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
