My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
